The Best Gift

The best gift that I ever got
Didn't really weigh a lot
It didn't have a ribbon 'round
And it sometimes made a terrible sound.
But best of all it seems to me
It wasn't neath the Christmas tree
And yet, I guess I'd have to say
That it made all the other presents twice as gay.
The best gift that I've ever known
I'd always wanted most to own
Yet in my dreams of sugar and spice
I never thought it could be so nice.
The best gift that I'd ever get
Was sometimes dry and sometimes wet
Was usually pink but oftentimes red
As it lay so innocently in its bed.
The best gift of the year to me
The one I hold most dear to me
A gift that simply drove me wild
Was a tiny new born child...

Happy 29th Birthday to my sweet baby girl
Who still, after all these years, makes me smile.
I love you to the moon and back again, to the stars and around again,
Mom

Saving Grace

Tonight was the last night of the Saving Grace series on TNT. I have to admit that when I first started watching this series I wondered where it was headed. Tonight's final episode ended in Grace's sacrifice of her own life. She gave her life to destroy an evil that was out to destroy others.

The intensity of this show is beyond words. During the course of this series we've seen what it means to be controlled by your pain, haunted by your past, and how it's impossible to make any of that go away without God. Perhaps some might say the show was not a good representation of who God is, but for me, Grace goes through some of the most in-depth soul searching any human could ever imagine.

What did this show mean to me? It showed me what it means to pour yourself into the lives of others, without concern for your own happiness. It showed me the meaning of true friendship and unconditional love. It showed me that you can't put God into a box and that each of us has our own spiritual journey to walk.

I'm going to miss having Grace in my life every week. And I'm going to miss the way the show challenged me to look at God through different eyes and see evil for it really is. Grace walked into her destiny once she knew the peace of God. That's a profound lesson that we all should learn.

R.I.P Grace,
Walden Fan

For those of us who have fought this disease

The falacy of the uninsured

Opinions. We all have them. And the debate over the uninsured in this country is no exception. Government subsidized healthcare seems to be the wish of all uninsured. But are they really uninsured? And when this bill is put into action, will it solve their problems?

There isn't anyone in this country that is truly uninsured. Every county hospital in the country is obliged to treat you when you walk in--insurance or not. Do you get the best healthcare? At times yes, at times no. But that's the case for those of us that have insurance.

Those of us that have insurance do so because we know that it's not a discrecanary item, it's a necessity. We give up things to have it. It's like food and housing. And I pay for other people's healthcare who can't afford it when I pay taxes. This includes people who need help and even people who are not citizens of this country. Most of the time, I'm willing to do my part.

But here's what bothers me: when people EXPECT to have health coverage without paying for it AND complain when they have to wait for an appointment. Or when they continue to have babies and can't afford to pay for them or their health coverage after they are born. Or when they participate in risky behavior, knowing full well that if something happens they don't have insurance to cover the accident. Or when people who don't chose to have insurance, run to the hospital every time they have a fever or a runny nose and expect to be treated.

It's all going to change with Obama care. Those who complained about being uninsured will be forced to pay for insurance. If not, they will be fined. Then we will see how much they like the new healthcare coverage. Personally, it won't affect me. I've paid for coverage for over 35 years. Have I used it? Three times: when I had both my children, and when I got cancer. But I was responsible to know that living without health insurance was an irresponsible act. Yes there were times I could not afford it. But I gave up something else so I could have it. There were times we weren't covered by a company plan. We found private insurance on our own. That's what responsible adults with children do.

Are there really millions of uninsured people in this country? No. I pay for them to have health coverage with my yearly income taxes. So while they complain about having to wait for an appointment for hours, or the fact that they can't find a clinic that will see them in a reasonable amount of time, I'll keep paying for them to have free healthcare because I'm a responsible citizen of this country and that's what we do.

But honestly, I don't have to like it.
Walden Fan

Those defining moments

We all have those moments that happen in our lives that change how we look at our lives and the people who are a part of them. I had several of those moments this past week. Definitive moments that caused me to realize how our lives can change in an instant; how precious and valuable every day is; and how much I value those who are close to me, including and especially my family. And when I say family, it includes some very special people who I have come to consider family (even though we aren't genetically related).

You don't realize how much your children have grown up until you "need" them. And when you need them and they step up and are there for you, it is a defining moment in your life. I've always said that we never stop being parents (no matter how old our children are), but it's an "ah-ha" moment when you need your children to carry you, and they do. Last week, my children carried me, and I have to say, it felt like nothing I have ever experienced. They took away all my anxiety and carried me through some extremely painful days of fear, dread and "not knowing". It relieved me of worry and helped me realize that I didn't always have to be the strong one.

I've always loved my children, and been extremely proud of them; but after last week, my admiration for them is beyond measure. And I can't help but be especially proud of the fact that they have grown into competent, capable, loving and compassionate adults.

Walden Fan

Thoughts inside my head

I was browsing at my favorite bookstore today, and I came across this quote by Ernest Hemingway: "The writer must write what he has to say. Not speak it." Needless to say, I can relate. Those thoughts inside my head whirl around and around until I have to get them out. It's what I've always loved to do. Years ago it was poetry; intensely emotional and extremely passionate. Those words inside my head were clamoring to get out.

The problem: There are so many words at random moments that when I can't just stop and write. So I jot them down on to stickers, in the notes on my phone, on my laptop, and in a notepad I carry in my purse. And then, once they are down, I quickly forget about them. It's as if once they are written somewhere, the thoughts are gone. And therein lies the problem--trying to gather all those disjointed thoughts into a completely finished work that makes sense. Or even finishing at least one of those written creations and putting the final touches and saying, "The End".

Perhaps one day in the not so distant future I'll actually finish that book I started in 2006. Or dust of that collection of poetry and get it published. And perhaps one day I'll finish that book about breast cancer that seems to have taken on a life of its own. I wonder if Thoreau ever felt this way at Walden Pond when he was jotting down his thoughts. "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Yes...I believe he did.

Perhaps one day,
Walden Fan