Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Grieving can apply to so much more than a death. You can grieve over all types of losses: friends, jobs, and even missed opportunities. You can even grieve over what might have been. There is no hard and fast rule on how to deal with a loss. Some deal with it immediately, and others push it away for another day. Grief can take years before it subsides, or after a long, hard cry it can be replaced by peace.

Tonight, it just hit me. I don't know what happened except I read something that brought it all crashing in on me. It feels like a loss so overwhelming I can't recover. A hole is left that I know from experience will never be filled. All I can hope for it that in time the grief will give way to some peace and I will be able to move forward knowing that this loss was unavoidable. I can also hope that at some point God will take it all and make some sense of the "whys". But for now, the grief pushes in on my heart,

And you begin again,
Sometimes you lose,
Sometimes you win,
But you begin again.
Even though your heart is breaking
In time, the sun will shine
And you'll begin again.
You'll begin again.

Hoping that "in time the sun will shine",
Walden Fan

Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Folded Napkin

Years ago, in ancient Biblical times, there was a tradition related to the cloth (napkin) that was used at mealtime. Tradition tells us that this napkin was used as a sign to indicate whether or not the master was finished with his meal when he left the table or was leaving temporarily and would return. If he was finished with his meal, he would crumble up the napkin and throw it on the table. If he was not finished, he would neatly fold the napkin and place it beside the the plate, signifying he would return to finish the meal.

As with all traditions, their significance is always important.

Then Simon Peter arrived and went inside. He also noticed the linen wrappings lying there, while the napkin that had covered Jesus’ head was
folded up and lying apart from the other wrappings.
(John 20:6-7)

Have a blessed Easter!
Awaiting His return,
Walden Fan

Saturday, April 4, 2009


Today...I need to write. It's an outlet for my emotions; and today my emotions need an outlet. Why? Because I'm perplexed. I consider myself to be a good communicator. I can usually take words and use them to formulate an argument, explanation or get my point across. At the very least, once they are read they are usually understood for what they are meant to express. Today. Not so much. Today I tried as hard as I could to write the words my heart was feeling, and for some reason, I came up short. I've been coming up short quite often lately with my words, and I'm not exactly sure how to fix it or change things.

I feel like Helen Keller. Trying to communicate and yet unable to because there's a barrier there that's keeping my words from penetrating into the heart. Each time I try, I fail. And each time I fail it evokes anger. It appears that the barrier will not come down, so I'm faced with failure and an unresolved conflict.

Walden Fan