The Words I Never Wanted to Say

These are the words I never wanted to write. I’ve delayed saying them. I’ve avoided typing them. I’ve begged God for a miracle. And I’ve prayed they would never be true. 

My friend is dying.

We met in an unlikely place during an unlikely time. But it was an instant bond over our shared faith in God and our love of music. She has a heart of gold and a giving spirit that outshines anyone I have ever known. As I got to know her and we talked endlessly online, I knew we had to meet in person, even though we lived in separate countries miles and miles apart.

That week, those seven days, are treasured memories now. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t remember sharing a Tim Horton’s coffee together. Eating at the Red Top Restaurant. Walking at The Forks and having the best time people watching. Going to a supper club in a historic hotel listening to a piano man and his singer make some sweet jazz sounds. Meeting all of her friends that she loved so dearly and volunteered with weekly. Watching movies and videos of our favorite singer together. 

I could have made a million excuses not to make that trip. But as the time draws closer and I know I won’t hear her voice any more or be able to pray with her over the phone, I’m glad I didn’t use those excuses to stay home. Because that week, that one simple week, will keep me going for the rest of my life until I see her again in heaven. Her kindness, her support during some very scary times health wise, and her unconditional love were priceless. I will hold on to those memories when I feel sad, when she is gone, and when I want to pick up the phone and call her.

We had plans. We were going to meet in Toronto or New York one day. She always loved the big cities, as do I. I guess we will have to meet again in God’s heavenly city. That’s the thing about knowing God—goodbye is not forever when we have Jesus. It’s only a “see you later.”

See you later, Allayne. I love you and I treasure every single moment I had you in my life.

And friends are friends forever
If the Lord's the Lord of them.
And a friend will not say never
'Cause the welcome will not end.
Though it's hard to let you go
In the Father's hands I know
That a lifetime (and an eternity) are not too long
To live as friends.